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Which load balancer (LB) are you using??
However, I would be likely to compare the 4 configurations (conf/server.xml) to explore any differences seen. TomEE still uses normal Tomcat Clustering and that needs checking out.
I would be inclined to guess that the LB is not overloading node1, on the contrary, the LB is continuing to send requests to node1 after that node has failed (for some reason). There is a fault (hardware, software or configuration) with node1.
The two minute delay you see to load the page is, in fact, the timeout before the request is successfully delivered to a surviving node. If everything is configured properly, it shouldn't take this long. Furthermore, once the failed node is kicked out of the cluster (until you issue the command for it to rejoin), the LB should know that node1 is dead and no longer send requests to it. You then run on three nodes after failover and all is fine and dandy.
So your problem is that failover is not occurring in an orderly fashion. I would confirm whether node1 is actually joining the cluster at all or you have a cluster of three plus a stand-alone node.
The way it should work is that the four cluster members should know immediately if one of them fails. The failed node gets kicked out. The surviving nodes relay this state to the LB which no longer sends requests to the failed node.
Which LB are you using??
Ref:
Apache TomEE
How to Setup Load Balancing in Tomcat/TomEE with mod_proxy_balancer - Simples Assim
Tomcat Clustering - A Step By Step Guide | MuleSoft